Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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