Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
