My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
