imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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