i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
