Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
