the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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