absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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