You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
