Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
