Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
