You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
