Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
