We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
