you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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