Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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