Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
