dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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