grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
