I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
