my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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