my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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