it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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