My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
