i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
