Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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