wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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