can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
