probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
