dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
