Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need moral support for this bender
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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