this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
