I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You need Xanax blowdarts
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
