just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
