do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
