You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
