i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
