Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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