I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
