I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
