Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I enjoy the company of your penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
