plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
