maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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