well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
