I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
