Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
