I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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