My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
