I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
