Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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