well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
