Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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