hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
