Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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