I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
