dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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