yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
