What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
