I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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