I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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