yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize