Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
