It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
