I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
