Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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