Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
