i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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