I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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