I could make wine with my vomit
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
