I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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