you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
