she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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