I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
