So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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