She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
