I am puke
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
