4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
