Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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