k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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