So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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