then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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