All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
