You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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