this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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