My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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