Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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