your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
