Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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