Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
