ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
