Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
