I think I won the penis lottery.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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