I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
