dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
