they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
