Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
