He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
