It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
