I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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