seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
