i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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